Someone wise once told me “every trait a person has becomes magnified in marriage.”

While at the time I believed that was wisdom, I did not understand it fully until I got married myself. Fast forward to today and let me tell you, my husband has some major flaws. And I can guarantee I have even more. I constantly forget to put the trash bag liner in the trashcan and my husbands’ beard hair finds itself all over the sink. My husband throws his clothes next to the hamper, and I constantly wash clothes and never move them to the dryer. We’re trying really hard to stay in love, but when we are tired or irritable, these little things have the potential to blow up.

We are messy, we are imperfect, and we are flawed. But, above all, we are a team.

So, what do you do when your spouse has flaws?

Forgive Them

Yes, you read that correctly. When your spouse has flaws, forgive them. I can promise you that you would like the same courtesy extended to you. Also, it is true in marriage, and in life, that what we focus on in others shades how we look at them overall. When you think about your spouse, do you want to see them as only the sum of their mistakes? No? Then forgive them.

Focus On Their Positive Traits

Like I said, what we focus on in others paints how we look at them overall. So, with that said, what is your partner good at? What are some ways that they love you, even when you don’t deserve it? What do you love about them? Focus on these things so that your posture toward them is one of gratitude and not critique.

Remember Your Own Faults

In middle school the biggest burn we could say to someone was something like, “YEAH!? Well, it takes one to know one!” The same is true in marriage. You recognize the flaws in your partner because you are an inherently flawed individual yourself. You might also focus on the flaws in your spouse so that you can forget about your own, but in a healthy marriage there is no room for behaviors like this. So, spend time working on becoming a better partner, friend, and lover to your significant other, instead.

Go The Extra Mile

This one is hard, but makes all the difference. The next time your spouse leaves the milk out, forgets to put a new liner in the trash can, only empties half of the dishwasher, forgets to drop off the dry cleaning, or leaves their beard hair in the sink…. take care of the chore for them silently, and the next time you see them, greet them with a kiss or a hug.

You see, in marriage, we can’t sweat the small stuff. Extend grace to one another. In this feat, your love can only grow.

 


 

Written by Anna Collins

Marriage365 Anna Collins

Anna Collins lives in sunny Southern California with her husband and two children. She is passionate about her marriage, staying at home with her kids, writing, coffee, good conversation, and game night. Her life dream is to someday write a book and see it published.

 

 


Marriage365 exists to help couples connect – ALL couples. No matter what state your relationship is in, we’d be honored to be part of your journey to get (back) to happily ever after. Explore our recommended resources:

 

2 thoughts

  • Marcie

    What if your husband is domineering and makes decisions on his own, gives a shoulder to cry on to other women,puts coaching softball a priority,enables son. Over all we are not on the same page. I have always been passive and have allowed him to dominate me now 26 yrs later I dont quite know how to change this marriage around 365 degrees. Can you offer advice and guidance. I am beyond fustrated and exhausted.

  • Anna Collins

    Hi Marcie!

    Thank you for your question! Personally, it sounds like what you are describing goes far beyond everyday personality traits and/or”flaws” and breaches into lack of communication, particularly lack of communicated boundaries. It sounds like there are a lot of things going on in your marriage that you need to address head on. I would suggest that you sit down with your husband and do your best to have an open and loving conversation about how you feel. Explain that while in years past you know you have been passive, you are now at a place where you want to see positive change in your marriage and explain the areas you mentioned here, doing your best to explain why they hurt/ frustrate you. You don’t want to put your husband on the defensive, so try to stay away from pointing fingers or using phrases like “you always/ you never”. The goal here should be to, as Meygan and Casey say, “Get back to Happily Ever After”, or to get back to being on the same team. Furthermore, I would have to say that 26 years is a long time for a pattern like this to be in place, so I would highly consider doing some kind of Marriage Intensive together. My first choice for you would of course be Marriage365 because I believe in what Meygan & Casey can do and are doing, but there are a lot of options out there for something like this, as well.

    I really hope this helps! If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!

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