Forgo the dinner and a movie and go straight to really connecting with your spouse.

Love is not self-sustaining but requires constant maintenance. We can often get stuck on surface-y conversations but need to work hard at diving deep in to heart level conversations. Don’t talk about this kids soccer schedules, your crazy boss, or your never ending to do list. Instead take these questions with you on your next date night and take turns answering them. Spend the time listening to your spouse’s heart and soul.

  • What is your favorite memory as a child?
  • What’s my best physical feature?
  • If you could change one thing about your looks, what would it be?
  • What is your favorite memory of us dating?
  • Which of your parents are you most like?
  • What are your top 3 strengths?
  • What’s a new hobby you’d like to try?
  • How often do you prefer sex?
  • What was the first thing you thought of me?
  • If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?
  • What do you like most that I do in bed?
  • How would you describe an ideal day?
  • What is something I can do to make us feel connected even more?
  • What do you think we need to work on the most in our relationship?
  • What can I do to make sure you feel safe with me?
  • What’s the happiest you’ve ever felt?
  • What do you want to do when you retire?
  • For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  • If you could meet one famous person, who would it be?
  • What’s another career that you think you’d love?
  • If you could go back in time, what age would you be?
  • Are you an optimist, pessimist or realist?
  • What was your favorite date night you’ve ever had with me?
  • What can I do that best says, “I love you.”?
  • In what areas are we the same?
  • Tell me a time when you felt really close to me?
  • How are we different?
  • Who do you know that has the best marriage? And what can we do to get there?
  • What’s your biggest regret in life?
  • If you bought a boat, what would you name it? 
  • When did you first know you loved me?
  • How have I succeeded in our marriage this week?
  • What fears do you have?
  • What brings you the most joy?
  • How can I show you love this week?
  • If you gave money to charity, which one would you pick and why?
  • What turns you on?
  • If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
  • What things do I do for you that refresh you the most?
  • What’s a question you’ve never asked me?


If you’ve found this blog post helpful, make sure to check out our book 365 Connection Questions for Couples and keep asking each other open-ended questions!


13 thoughts

  • elyse

    Loved theaebu by and i sat outside wat hing our son play and asked each other these. Great way to connect and learn more about each other.

  • Val

    These are awesome questions. My partner takes all my feelings, thoughts and idea’s into consideration. Sometimes I think her over analyses information but at least I have a DETAILED understand of what he is thinking. lol. Sometimes we have conversation that last 4-5 hours. Some of these questions did not come up as yet. I think its good solid questions that just makes you get to know the person you love better. Good understand, taking into consideration each others wants, needs and desires. Thank you, I’ve already sent the link to him.

  • Laura S.

    Emerson Eggerich wrote a book called “Love and Respect” that might be the tool you need to mend your marriage. I know that it did wonders for my marriage – even those marriages that are not having major issues will benefit as well. If you can go to a seminar or video-seminar in person, them that is even better.

  • Laurie

    These are great! My husband (of 37 years) and I used these on our date night last week. We only got about 1/2 way through them but we both really enjoyed them. And both of us learned something about the other. Even after all these years. I am hoping you think of more questions in the future.

  • Heather Pincelli

    Love these! As a therapist I work with couples who so often say that they go out and either find themselves in silence or talking about the “to-do” lists. The kids. The bills etc. I have a pile of resources and one of the first thing I give these couples is a conversation starter question sheet! Awesome suggestion. Keep it up! Heather Pincelli

  • Jennifer Link

    My husband and I have recently changed our date nights from movies to more activities involving connection and dialogue. I love the conversation starters, as they influence a deeper thought process, hopefully to rekindle that connection! I am getting my certification in Prepare/Enrich and I believe wholeheartedly in the methods. Thanks for sharing!

  • Eileen Hume

    I am beginning prepare – enrich with my Fiance. These questions are not all appropriate for this stage in our relationship, but some are that will help me know and honor him more. Thanks.

  • DAT

    Good questions, it really helps in our relationship. We’ve not got 1/2 way of answering those questions. But we promised ourselves to stay tuned and stay loved.
    Thanks a lot

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