Most of the questions we get from couples are about being stuck in a sexual rut.

We were there… the same position, the same room in the house, the same furniture, and the same routine.  For years we didn’t talk about it because no one taught us how to have a healthy conversation about our sex life.  I also think we were too busy to create space and time to be creative in the bedroom.

That all changed when we discovered the post-sex wrap-up.  Some dear friends mentioned that this transformed their sex life and gave them the insights needed to love their spouse in the specific ways they wanted to be loved.  This post-game pillow talk focuses on what they like, didn’t like, what position feels good, fantasies, and affirming each other. This is a time for no judgements. The goal is to build their love life.  We use this all the time and it works!

Your turn – we want you to try this out.

Set some ground rules and restate your goals to boost your love life and to learn more about each other.  Set aside at least 30 minutes to listen to the heart of your lover.

Here’s some questions you can use to kick start the conversation.
  • What about our sex life makes you excited and anticipate the next time?
  • Are you comfortable discussing our sexual likes and dislikes? Why or why not?
  • What kind of physical touch best says, “I love you?”
  • Who do we know that has the kind of marriage that we want?
  • How affectionate would you like to be with me?
  • What are your turn-offs?
  • How will we let each other know what we want sexually?
  • What need of yours have I not been able to satisfy?
  • How can we make our sex life better?  Get creative.
  • What are your deepest desires, hopes and dreams?


After you’ve gone through this list, let your spouses answers marinate for awhile. Really listen to what they shared. Validate them and their feelings because this doesn’t come natural for many people.

Marriage365 Challenge

Try something new this week sexually! Take one or two of your spouses ideas and bring it to the bedroom, or the kitchen counter, or maybe book a hotel room for the night and enjoy just being naked with one another.


If you found this blog post helpful, make sure to check out Naked Conversations (don’t worry, we’re fully clothed). Learn more and sign up for your free trial here!


13 thoughts

  • Angelica Galvan

    How would i bring it up to my spouse when he has no idea I’ve been looking into this website., without making him feel guilty in any way?

    • Casey Caston

      Angelica, great question! there’s a lot of assumptions in this answer, but here’s a go at it— go take a walk together or find a setting with no distractions, start the conversation by affirming your husband and that you have hope in your marriage. Ask him what his goals may be in your marriage. Ask him if he’s willing to talk about your sex life. Introduce some of the questions we listed. Let him know that you want to build a marriage that rocks. Let him know that you want to serve him well, but that takes time to talk through. Let me know that you want him to do the same. Finish with long embrace, kiss, make-out, and hurry home because it may lead to other things! 🙂

  • Shannon

    After 15 years of Marriage since July 31, 1999 we have found the best Christian book to help in this area is a book from Dr. Kevin Leman called “Sheet Music”
    Have fun!!!

    • Casey Caston

      Stephanie- this is where healthy communication is super critical. What I mean is, you both need to talk this through, compromise needs to be reached, sacrifices will need to be made on both ends, it will take time, and you both have to be WILLING to work on this. There is no easy ‘pat’ answer… just plain old hard work.

  • Aleah

    What if my husband is not comfortable talking about our sex life, what turns him on, or having intercourse anywhere but our bed and in the same positions? How do I break through his barrier?

    • Casey Caston

      Aleah… I encourage you pick up our eBook. We cover this specific issue and give you conversation starters to get you guys talking. Pick up it at our store!

  • April govan

    Hi my husband was home last week, and we talked about our sex life, what we like, dislike, what we want or don’t and so on, so he decided to play a game, but I had to agree to it wih out knowing what it was. So I did and he asked me what is one thing that I would like more of from him in our sec life. He gave me some time to think about what I want and he had to tell me what he wanted more of also. So a few nights later he asked me and I told him what I wanted more of and he pretty much made fun of me and what I wanted and than instead of telling me what he wanted he told me I had to guess. Well I wasn’t cause that was not the point to this so called game he planed. Well I never guessed and he never told me. I was really hurt and confusesed and now it has made me hate our sex life even more. Any suggestions or Anything. Thanks April.

    • Casey Caston

      Mike, Have you had the tough conversation and asked her why she isn’t interested in sex? What are her reasonings? Are do you have an idea of what they could be?

  • Stanley

    What do you do if your beyond this, as in your no longer wants to have any part in a sexual relationship with you ( her husband) but is otherwise active in the marriage relationship? Married 27yrs this Oct 10, 2015

  • Tatiana

    What do you do if your husband will watch porn but not have sex with you? I have asked if there is something I’m not doing and he claims no. We have only been married three months! Please help!

  • Star

    What do you do if he got into some bad habita and lied and you feel so distent and like dont want any type of touch and he ask why and why dont you want him like that

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