Married sex is awesome! It’s such a wonderful gift that we get to share our bodies with our partner and learn over time exactly how to please each other. In this sensual act, we build trust, connection, intimacy, share vulnerability, have fun, play naughty, and get creative!

Why is it that so many couples are struggling to get it on in the bedroom? We get dozens of emails weekly from couples asking for advice or resources on how to have great married sex. Ummm… you might want to check out our ebook Naked Dinners!

First, there’s 2 possible reasons why you might be struggling:

1. Lack of making sex a priority. Weird to think that sex can be ignored, but the reality is pressures at work, financial burdens, kids in sports, and illness can take a toll. You have to set healthy boundaries around your time and energy to make sex a priority, which means at times you will need to say no to a couple things… it’s okay, you’ll survive!9

2. Lack of emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is born from emotional intimacy which means that it’s really difficult to make mad passionate love if you barely know each other. DATE NIGHTS, DATE NIGHTS, DATE NIGHTS. Make these nights about discovering each other, connecting with open ended questions (click here, here, here, here for some of ours), and staying away from topics like; money, kids, in-laws and work.

So here are 5 fresh ideas on how to get that mad, passionate love we know you want:

1. Try a different room of the house. Sex can be fun on the floor, in the shower, in the kitchen, on the sofa, on the stairs, and on a (very clean) counter top. It might be feel strange at first… but just go with it!

2. Try a new position. If you have no clue what to try, here is an article we wrote regarding different sex positions.  We suggest you keep trying one at a time until you find a few that work for both you.

3. Get away for a weekend. This is a must if you can make it work with your schedule. It doesn’t even have to be far, but staying at a hotel for a night or weekend can be so refreshing. You don’t have to worry about household duties, the beds are always comfortable, they come with a fancy hot tub and the rooms are always quiet. We encourage you turn off the television and any other electronics for your weekend. Put the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door all weekend and enjoy being in each others arms.

quotes-1-10-034. Make out. When we were dating, we couldn’t stop kissing and we definitely couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Now after a decade of being married, we sometimes forget that physical touch is such an important part of our relationship. Kiss often, snuggle while watching TV, cuddle in bed at night, greet each other with a kiss each time you come home, and make out as often as possible. Kissing promotes intimacy and boosts bonding. When we kiss, both men and women produce the hormone oxytocin. It’s often called the ‘love hormone’ because it causes us to bond. The fact is, we kiss the ones we love, and love the ones we kiss!

5. Make the most of foreplay. Foreplay serves a physical and emotional purpose, helping prepare both mind and body for sex. Many women, in particular, need to be kissed, hugged, and caressed to create lubrication in the vagina, which is important for comfortable intercourse. Foreplay takes time, attention to details and creativity leaving you and your spouse more in love and cared for. DO NOT SKIP OUT ON FOREPLAY!


 

Next steps… If you desire a healthy marriage, we encourage you to sign up for a FREE 7 day trial to NAKED CONVERSATIONS and join the thousands of couples experiencing a safe place to connect and grow in their relationship.  Click here to learn more.

 

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5 thoughts

  • Stacy

    Have you ever posted anything about talking to your husband about finances? My husband doesn’t pay for hardly anything and it’s really making me dislike him more and more. I’m having a hard time talking to him about it though.

  • Britt

    It’s sometimes hard as a female to realize how important this is to even our emotional state in a relationship–feeling connected to your spouse. I realized this wasn’t a huge priority to me, other than sometimes feeling like I needed to check it off the list for the week. Not to say this was all the time, as there were still moments where I very much was the one initiating things because I desired him.

    But just recently I decided to make a change, because I realized I wasn’t feeling connected to my husband somehow–just a little more distant than normal. It’s changed my desire for sex in the process, because I desire to be close to my husband, and I know this is one of those ways.

    Plus deciding to wear nighties to bed instead of oversized shirts and pajama pants has made sex more of a top priority in the bedroom–it shows I really care about my husband and what he likes, instead of just what I like. Plus it puts sex on my mind more often at the end of the day when I’m feeling sexy going to bed. Just a thought!

  • Peter

    What to do if my wife don’t like sex? She never liked it, her ideal frequency is 2 – 3 times per year. I love her, we’re doing many things together, no problem in other areas in our marriage. I’m active with kids, household, 3x per year long vacation trip, no money problem, I’m handsome I think, regulary in sport, doing everything for her … Simply she don’t feel mood to make love anytime. When we do it at least, she have orgasm and like it, but then, again, no feeling or mood to have sex again. What more, she don’t want to try different positions, different places, any other variations like oral sex, sex toys or anything else. She told me it’s unclean and things like this doing people only in porn. You can imagine how I desire for her and to make love with her (and of course I don’t want do boring love too). We tried sex counseling, reading books, but again and again she told me – sorry not tonight, you have to be able abstain, you are crazy if you want sex few times per week. I madly love her and don’t want to break our marriage (15 years), but I’m not able live without sex… My heart is broken. I have to live with masturbation only (and she don’t like it too and she is angry about it for me).

    • Beal

      First of all Peter, kudos to you for trying to move forward in your marriage and loving your wife where she is.

      I think it’s tough. I feel that way sometimes. Not interested. But the more I do it the more I like it.

      Maybe asking her to read marriage blogs, or listen to podcasts or read books with you would help. Get her to open up emotionally and then you can broach the topic with her.

      Something else that may assist you would be the 5 love languages. Maybe if you ensure she feels loved in her language she will reciprocate.

      Good luck, praying for you.

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