Yes, Casey and I are the first to admit that we have been to marriage counseling. But we don’t view it as a bad thing at all. In fact, we both embrace that having a third set of eyes on the issue can be more productive than us trying to figure it out on our own. We were able to take away a ton of things each time we went and wanted to share some of our insights with you all. Hey, be sure to thank us because we’re saving you some serious dough.
Communicate Early and Often. We all think that our spouse should just know what we’re thinking and feeling because we’ve told them a thousand times. But news flash: YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT A MIND READER. It’s so important to talk early and often before resentment and anger build. So often times we have unrealistic, unmet and un-communicated expectations that we never talk about and then we’re left disappointed and frustrated. You can’t over communicate enough in marriage.
We are different and that’s ok. Casey and I have tried our hardest to change each other for many many years and gosh darn it, it’s never worked. We’ve had to learn that it’s ok to disagree on many small things and some big areas. Just because I don’t do things the way Casey does, doesn’t mean it’s wrong and vice-versa. We have had to learn to let the differences go. We are two different people and that’s a good thing!
Figure out how blame is corrupting your connection. Blame drives disconnection. Blame allows a spouse to put responsibility on their mate other than himself/herself. Blaming your spouse allows you to stay in your comfort zone and not change. Both partners need to look at their own faults and take responsibility for their part in the relationship. Can I get an amen, Brene Brown!!!
Every marriage needs regular maintenance. Just like a car needs regular maintenance, so does your marriage…every marriage! Weekly ‘business meetings’ are where we talk about our budget, schedules and kids. It keep us on the same page and fighting less because there are no unrealistic expectations. Regular date nights are a must, walks hand in hand, reading the latest marriage book, attending retreats, seminars, Naked Conversations webinars, and maybe even couples coaching are all great ways to stay healthy and keep things fresh. Time and money spent on your relationship is never wasted!
Marriage365 Challenge: Let’s here from you. What have been your big takeaways from couples counseling sessions?