I honestly think that when we got married 13 years ago, I thought our love would never fade. There was so much passion, so much spark in our relationship that we must have been on some kind of love high.
Remember how sweet and passionate things were when you were dating.
I’m sure they include a lot of handholding, kissing, cuddling, date nights, surprises, gifts and dreaming together. Those were the days when you couldn’t get enough and wanted to spend every waking moment in each others arms. I remember when we were dating, one night we talked all the way through til sunrise. I think often about the times we would try to top each other with our mushy and cheesy love notes and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
Fast forward past our wedding day and the honeymoon, and now after years of being married, the kids, the bills, the ridiculous piles of laundry, the meetings at work, the never ending honey do list, I’m tired, period. Maybe you can see yourself in our story. Luckily we like to geek out about marriage and so we thought we would brainstorm some quick and easy ideas to renew your love. But first, let me explain why this is important.
John Gottman, the nation’s leading marriage researcher, suggests that couples wanting to spark romance need to turn towards each other even when they don’t feel like it, yes… even when they’re exhausted. He notes that friendship is an absolute essential element to thriving marriages. Friends consistently make bids in their relationships for positive connection, for moments to share.
Here are 16 practical ways for you to start turning towards each other:
- Schedule your next date night and don’t tell your spouse the plans. The anticipation will spark a renewed sense of fun.
- Practice the daily 60 SECOND BLESSING. This is a daily habit of affirming the positive qualities you see in each other for 60 seconds each.
- Send flirty texts to each other throughout the day. Trust me, they will appreciate it.
- Make foreplay a priority. Make more room in your calendar to make out and other stuff *wink* before sex.
- Be affectionate and playful with each other in front of others. It’s not enough to just brag to each other in private, it’s significant to compliment your spouse in public.
- Start a new hobby together. Brainstorm on some ideas and create a list of shared interests.
- Show appreciation by saying, “Thank you,” and “I appreciate all you do”. This goes a long way in showing respect to each other.
- Take a walk hand in hand. Nothing gets the blood moving and creative juices flowing like taking a walk around the block.
- Focus on the positive qualities of each other by writing them down and posting it around the house.
- Plan a vacation together…no kids allowed. It doesn’t even have to be extravagant, but time alone is so important.
- Dream together which helps build security. Have you created a dream wall where you jot down your goals or things you want to do together? Go for it!
- Pay attention to your spouse more than you pay attention to your phone & TV. Less screen time and more face time.
- Reminisce about your favorite date nights, wedding day, honeymoon, travels together by pulling out old photos of you two.
- Learn something new about your spouse. Ask open ended questions.
- Buy a new board games and have a game night together. Clothing optional.
- Join us for our monthly marriage webcasts at nakedconversations.org!
If you desire a healthy marriage, we encourage you to sign up for a FREE 7 day trial to NAKED CONVERSATIONS and join the thousands of couples experiencing a safe place to connect and grow in their relationship. Click here to learn more.
Written by Casey Caston
Casey Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and loves his wife, kids, and surfing – in that order. He’s passionate about teaching couples how to connect on a deeper level and works often with couples in crisis. He’s also officiated more than 600 weddings. His life long dream is to walk the Camino, surf in Indonesia, and publish a New York Times best seller.