True story:

It was a late Sunday afternoon and Casey planned something brilliant! He told the babysitter to take the kids to the park for the afternoon so we could have a date at home. He lit candles, folded the laundry, put on my favorite music (Jason Mraz) and even cleaned the shower.  Yes, he knows that my love language is acts of service which totally turns me on.  Seeing how much time and intentionality he put into the afternoon was not only flattering, but also showed me how much he cares about romancing me.

Many of us struggle with getting in the mood, especially when our calendars are filled to the max with activities and responsibilities.

But no matter how busy we are, we have to show our spouse that we care about them by being intentional and flirtatious.  If you or your partner are in need of some fresh ideas to get you in the mood, keep reading.

  • Flirt with your wife in public.
  • Come home in the middle of the day for a quick make out session… which might turn into something more!
  • Light candles, play music, and spray some cologne.
  • Text your wife during the day and tell her how beautiful she is.
  • Take a shower together.
  • Give her a gentle foot massage.
  • Check into a hotel room for the night and pamper your wife.
  • Be naked when he comes home from work.
  • Initiate sex.
  • Make noises in the shower and invite your husband to join you.
  • Buy a new bra and panties.
  • Undress slowly in front of your husband.
  • Grab his butt while he walks by.
  • Text a nude picture of yourself to him.



Marriage Challenge

Choose at least one from the list and apply it to your marriage this week.


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27 thoughts

  • Mike

    1. Flirt with your wife in public
    Do that. Nothing

    2. Come home in the middle of the day for a quick make out session…which might turn into something more
    She’d say all I want is sex.

    3. Light candles, play music and spray some cologne
    She’s allergic to most fragrances, but candles & music don;t work either.

    4. Text your wife during the day and tell her how beautiful she is
    Never texted it, but I’ve said it. Nothing!

    5. Take a shower together
    Suggested and offered MANY times. We had a remodel of our home 6 years ago and my wife told the contractor that the shower had to be big enough for two. Never happened.

    6. Give her a gentle foot massage
    She’s T2 diabetic and I give her foot rubs ALL THE TIME. Does nothing!

    7. Check into a hotel room for the night and pamper your wife
    Did this for New Years. Nothing.

    What do you do for a wife that just has no interest at all! I’m ready to move into the spare room.

    • Casey Caston

      Mike… I’m so stoked that you have put 100% into loving your wife, “in sickness and in health.” Remember that you are in this for the marathon, not the sprint. I realize saying that might be salt in the wound, but I commend you for sticking through on this. If you’ve clearly communicated your feelings of abandonment (that you are the only one putting in effort), it might be time for some outside help to get you over this rut. You’re doing your part, which is awesome… I’m sorry that’s not getting returned back! If you guys want to jump online together, message me.

      • Nena Amaral

        Mike, Find out her what her love language and speak it. If you don’t know it, check out the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman or both of you take the quiz on-line on

        Casey is right, you are doing a great job and don’t give up on her. Tell your wife that you want to please her and ask her how you can do that. Good luck!

    • Donna

      Mike, may I suggested that she see her Dr.? Unfortunately, I put my husband through the same ordeal that lasted for a very long time. Come to find out it was a combination of extreme stress which led to the Hashimoto’s disease that I have to rear it’s ugly head. After seeing a great internist I finally learned that all that time by issue was three things… as I said earlier, stress (I had a horrible stressful job), total out of balance hormones, and worsening Hashimoto’s, which caused low vitamin d, B12, and adrenal fatigue. He finally had enough of watching me suffer and told me I was quitting my job because if I didn’t he would be a widower within the year. I believe now he was right. Once all of those issues were addressed, I couldn’t wait to be with my husband. It was a dramatic change for me and I live daily to make up all those lost years to him. Love your wife in the midst of whatever she is going through, pray for her and ask God to reveal what is causing her lack of interest. Believe me, she doesn’t like what is going on either, she just doesn’t know what it is. Help her find out. Best wishes!

    • Missy

      Therapy. Don’t give up. And explain your needs without looking like sex is all your wanting. Don’t criticise her for not giving you any. Just let her no she turns you on and try to let her no without getting pissy because she may not want it

  • julie

    Mike, you mentioned she’s diabetic, definitely some issues that need to be addressed there. After you talk with her, suggest talking to the doctor about anything that might help. Diabetes can put a damper on things and most people would not be aware of that.
    Keep up the good work!

    • Mike

      Of course there are other issues….Money, trust, respect. You name it we got it. I mentioned the home remodel about 6 years ago…. That’s also about when she was diagnosed with the diabetes (and she has lost both her father and brother, as well as some other family members to complications of the disease). She also went into menopause at about this same time… and I lost a large client which started the money issues about then too. We couldn’t afford health insurance, but she won’t give up her $450 per month, 2-pack a day cigarette habit. She expects me to get her coffee each morning and her yogurt at night. She won’t drive any more (she claims because of the neuropathy in her feet, but it’s more than that as she has been involved in two serious accidents with drunk drivers), so I have to be chaffeur, so we are actually together almost 24/7. She argues with my younger son (age 19) quite often, and actually told him I’m “not man enough” because I won’t stand up to him. (He considers me “not man enough” because I won’t stand up to her.) She called me a “Motherf—-ker” when I accidently tapped a friend’s bumper while backing up in a parking lot.

    • Mike

      Mind you, all this has happened in the past 6-7 years. We’ve been married since 1992 and our sex life seemed fine in both quality and quantity. Then came the perfect storm, finances, diabetes, and menopause all roughly about the same time.

  • Toaha

    My husband has admitted that we aren’t intimate because he is lazy and he is OK with it. I have done every single one of these and I get nothing at all.

    • Justin

      If a man is not interested in sex with his wife. He has health problems, a lot of stress, is upset with you (your behavior) or is pounding to porn. That is not for sure the problem but you should start there. I recommend the book, “Love and Respect.”

  • Herbie

    I do all of these and don’t even get a response. Now after a month or 2 she wants it. I know this cause she is naked in the bed. I’m 30 years old, been married 9 years. We have 3 kids together. Ages:6,3,and 10 months. She says tired all time and no energy. Same for me but I always have the time for fun. So usually after or month or 2 she will have fun and it’s just one night. Then it starts again. 1 to 2 months. Very frustrating.

  • Brian Christensen

    Its been a tough last 6 months. 5 adult kids (youngest just finished high school). But one is going through 2 things that make it very hard on the marriage (we even went though some counseling from a couple at our church. Our son is dealing with substance abuse (meth) and manic/bipolar possibly triggered from abuse. We have done date nights but even those get wrapped in his treatment options.

  • Leah

    As a woman none of those things would get me in the mood they just seem like ways to ask for sex. Find out what makes her feel loved and do that. For me as a stay at home mom of 3 littles it is taking the kids so I can rest or cleaning the kitchen or something.

  • Anonymous

    Been married for 5 years now and I have been asking my husband for these little things like music and dim lights to set the mood. It’s aggravating. I am usually the one to initiate otherwise we would never have sex. It makes you want to give up. I have done all of the things suggested for females – without reading this list. I’m told by him he loves.

    • Anonymous male

      I feel for you, and wish my wife had your desires. We have struggled for many years with intimacy (her lack of libido). I do all of the above, and even more. And it’s not as though I am some out of shape sloth. I am fit, hamdsome (voted most attractive in high school 25 years ago), work hard as the sole providor, and am the spiritual leader of our family. Every year or so I reach a boiling point and confide my frustrations. She reacts with great remorse and things turn for the better. And then a few weeks later she slowly regresses. I wish there was a long term final solution for us all. But it seems some if us our just destined to struggle. Hang in there and know that it is NOT you.

  • s

    Years ago he was sneaking around and i caught him, we broke up. Time passed, i forgave him, we ended up married. This past year he was back to sneaking with the same old.girl, i found out and was devistated and he said it was no big deal and i need to.get over it because he hadnt had sex with her yet….. hes never seemed sorry, just seems pissed i object to his *friendship* behind my back with his ex lover. I cant find a way or forgive him anymore…i have no desire for him now. He does many of the things listed but he just wants sex, no affection, no understanding, no apology. He promised to do counseling when i caught him last but now he refuses to, which just makes me hate sex worse, a broken promise on top his other sneaky broken promises. Ive tried to explain how i feel but he gets mad. All we do is fight.

  • Adam

    What do you do when you are afraid of initiating? I love my wife and I have decided to be as romantic as I can this year, not for sex but because I love her. The sad thing is that I am starting to exclude sex from that. Mostly because she decides when and how we have sex. There has been so little responses from her that I some days fear I am losing my sex drive. I have tried many things: Doing chores, massages(which I do often) , romantic gestures(flowers, poems, you name it) and even if the goal hasn’t always been to have sex i haven’t seen her “throw herself” at me as many suggest that woman will do when you do that. I really don’t know what to do. I stopped initiating a long time ago and hoped my loving behavior would do He job but it doesn’t work either. At this point I’m afraid of initiating because I will probably be shot down and that hurts. I start to feel that sex isn’t important. I know it is in my head but I don’t feel like it is anymore. I’m afraid I’m shutting down. What can I do?

    • John Doe

      I’m at that exact same point right now. I feel like I shouldn’t even ask because the fear of rejection. And I don’t care what anyone says that is the worst feeling from someone you love so deeply.

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